WHAT TO NAME THIS?

So... I haven't posted in like... What? Months? Maybe a year? Blogger still a thing? People still read these? 

Know what?  I don't care. 

It's 1am, and I feel like ranting. And this is what this blog is, for the most part: Rants. 

AND LOOK, THIS IS SOMEWHAT RELEVANT TO MY BLOG TITLE (Well, kinda.) 

Okay, now the actual rant.

 So, almost all my friends at school are currently guys. (And not the gender-neutral term guys. These guys have penises, or at least that's what I've been told.) This isn't a big deal, and it shouldn't be. I treat them the same way I treat all of my other friends. I happen to be the only girl in this small group too. Unfortunately, some of my usual doing come off as flirty to outsiders. Naturally, assumptions of dating occur.

Boy #1

Lucky me, this resulted in a rumor that me and one of the boys (who is hardly my friend, yet the rumor sparked because we walked to math class together) were dating last year. This was false and then when I was told by our other friends that he indeed liked me and was planning on asking me out, it was awkward. This was not a fun experience because he became seemingly clingy. According to our other friends, he is only really awkward around me, but he was also the same with our other friend (the former only girl in the group) freshman year. She left after the first year and I took her place as the main chick of the group.

Me and this dude were never really friends. We probably could've been decent friends, but due to the dating rumor so early in the year and the realization he liked me, it was ruined. He cracks terrible jokes, most of which make me want to punch him (though I am kind enough to stop myself). I feel like a bitch around him, because I can't stand him most of the time. He comes off as so annoying and I feel bad. Some of the things he does make me uncomfortable and just no. No. He needs to find another girl to get flustered around because I can only feel 'flattered' for so long.

Boy #2

Okay,  now this boy is one of my best friends (to some extend). He's a little sarcastic shit, but he's still awesome. I've been known to hug him randomly, poke his stomach, and throw things at him out of pure boredom. He usually gives no shits, so it's all good. Because he is male and I am female, people then assumed we were dating. This at least made more sense than Boy #1, but still. Two freshman asked us if we were dating on the first day they met us. (Actually, asked if we were siblings then asked if we were dating.)

And yes, the idea of dating this boy has crossed my mind and I have decided that's a stupid idea. He's a little shit, doesn't care about anything, and I just feel like he'd be a terrible boyfriend (at least for me). He's had a girlfriend or so before, but they were one of those middle school relationships that never counted, so it doesn't exactly count.

Boy #3

Okay... This is where this may turn serious.  Now,  I don't actually know if there are/were rumors of us dating, though I am willing to bet there has been. I won't be surprised.

HOWEVER: I would actually date this one. I would love to date this one. He's your basic lovable geek. All AP classes, always playing games on his computer (which resulted in a N64 tournament on a random lunch period), and he's just nice and sweet. He's a dork and I love him.

I have mixed feelings about how I actual feel? Like, I'm totally cool if we're just friends and that's all we'll ever be but I am also cool with dating him... I mean, he'd make a suitable first boyfriend. My mom seemingly like him, despite talking to him for less than a minute. I may or may not talk into joining me to prom cause I'm on prom commitee and might as well force someone to go with me.

"I'm Beautiful" Moments

Okay, I don't wanna sound selfish or anything, but...
I am beautiful. I don't mean this is a super conceited way. We are all beautiful, in our own way. We all have our flaws, including myself.

I have these moments, that can either last a whole night, or maybe less than an hour, in which I feel beautiful. I'm having one of these moments right now actually. These moments just happen almost randomly.

Literally, I'll just look in my mirror, and be like, "I am beautiful." I'll usually stare at myself for a little bit and allow myself to realize how beautiful I actually am. Other times when I look in the mirror, I can't but see my flaws. I see my pimples, my acne, my chapped lips, my uncontrollable hair, just everything. These moments are the exact opposite. This time, I see how pretty the color of my hair is, my fair skin and how it matched my grey-ish blue eyes fairly well. I don't know why, but I just love my eye color. I think it's awesome how blue they are sometimes or how cool they look when they are almost completely grey.

It's times like this I can't get over myself. Maybe this sounds so conceited, but it's true. It's nice to feel beautiful every once in a while, even if I'm just alone. I like to just feel beautiful as myself without trying hard and just knowing I'm naturally beautiful in my own way.

I think everyone deserves this feeling every once in a while. With society being so judgmental as it is, it's awesome to feel good in your own skin. It's fun to have these moments where it seems no one can bring you down. You just feel proud of yourself for being yourself.

I'm sure we all have those family members, friends, and neighbors who always tell us how pretty we are, and we can't help but not believe them. Well, sometimes it's great to know they are right, that they aren't just saying that.

Honestly, I hope whoever is reading this has had this feeling before. If not, you really should know you are beautiful, even if no one has said it lately. You are gorgeous. You are pretty. You are beautiful. You are you.

Reasons I Don't Need A Big Social Life

I love most of my friends to pieces, but when I tell them I have 2 weeks left here, they ALL suddenly want me to do EVERYTHING. That's fine if they all want to hang out with me, but I just cant say no to them. They try to start trying to convince me to say yes and ask me why I'm saying no.

Like, 2 days ago, 3 of my friends were having a sleepover. I wasn't sure about it, since I had a lot of work I wanted to catch up on. I said yes, never the less. It was really fun and I'm glad I went, but the day after I was exhausted. We stayed up till 6:30 am, and I woke up at 7:45 am. The whole day I was falling asleep for 5 minutes intervals on whoseever couch or comfortable surface I was laying on. 

So yesterday, I got home from the sleepover at 4. Again, I was falling asleep on my couch over and over again. One of my other friends call me, asking me to hang out. I kept saying no over and over again. Finally, I gave in and let her sit out on my porch with me. By the time she left though, she probably had a few bruises. When I'm tired, I don't think. When I don't think, I can be very abusive to my friends. What can I say? They are all fun to hit. (By hit, I dont mean really hurt.)

But I have 2 weeks before school.

2 books to read an annotate

200 words each for me to write for 5 conflicts each of these 2 books (2,000 words total)

And now my tumblr RP social life and a good start to sophomore year is starting to head down the drain due to my "social life"

I Just Love My Friends

Kayla:
She's just so fun loving and I've known her forever and I just love her innocence. It's with her I have the most innocent and childish fun that I still miss from being a kid...

TJ:
Our convos are the best.  We talk about orgis, hot guys, nerdfighter stuff, how much of a stalker she is, how 3 ways work out, what we would do if we have boyfriends, how we would be as wives, how bad I would be if you divorced me, and how no topic is off limits. Plus, I get to dish out so much relationship advice to her xD

Julia:
Julia, Julia, Julia... Oh god, she's my twinsies and our Omegle fun is awesome. The fact we are both so innocent yet so perverted is amazing and makes us the best of twinsies. I just love you and all the crazy times we have.

Sara:
We are RP buddies and on skype chat, we just randomly start singing songs. We tend to do "Call Me Maybe" and "Bromance" where we are finishing each of each other's lines xD

Finals

Ugh...
It's so close to summer, but 20% of my grade sits on my finals...
Yup, the 3 past months were only worth 80%.

So, my first two finals are tomorrow and I can't focus. The weather is nice, the internet is on, and I'm tired of work.

My worst subject is my first final... Great.

The teacher is a dumbass football coach and taught us almost nothing. His class was a teach-yourself basically. And its not like I ever studied for his tests and still got 80s...

Even if I don't take his test, I still pass his class. Yup, 20% down the drain and I can still pass.

But tomorrow, I have World Geography (worse subject) and Geometry (best subject) (still have to do the final review for a bonus though)
Then Wed. I have Drama (I still need to memorize my monologue) and English (Oh god, I hate trying to study for this one).
Thursday is Theology (which is a joke) and Spanish (doesnt sound too hard)
Friday is Bio (I really need to do the review for the curve, and I have yet to start it)

So, uh... Yeah. I'm slightly screwed but we'll see how everything turns out.

I need to post more...

Yeah. I really need to post more on here...

BUT
I noticed something.

My most read posts are about

1. Masturbation
2. A stalker bitch
3. My friend's boyfriends

All very weird/innapprioate posts...

And speaking of Lexy and her BFs, yeah, she broke up with Johnny a few weeks ago. Yeah, she's not exactly the best person to date, but I still love her. (Basically, she has really bad post-breakup relationships, where she hates the boy.)

But yeah. Hai. Here's a post. LAWL.

Loss of a Role Model

So this morning at around 4 am, one of the strongest people you could have ever seen died.

Her name was Theresa. She had a rare form of bone cancer. She was diagnosed 2 years ago and it started in her leg. Within that time, the cancer just spread dramatically. You could see her in school with her chemo in a bag. 

I met her cause it was about the 3rd week of school and it was Freshman-Senior week. She was my senior. She made me wear wacky outfits that week, including 3 inch cheetah high heels.

That was the only time I talked to her, but I would see her in the halls a lot. Sometimes she was in a wheelchair, having a friend push her and carry some of her books. Either way, she was always smiling. 

Anyone could tell you that she was the most beautiful person you had ever seen. She wore a bandana to cover of her lack of hair, but she was still drop dead gorgeous.

She was the oldest of 8. Her brother Daniel is in my grade and her sister Francis a year above me. Both of the are just like Theresa, strong and always smiling. Both of them knew how badly their sister was doing, and they still smiled and laughed through it all.

Today at school, we had an assembly. It was for Theresa. The whole school, minus those taking AP exams, were there. Everyone cried. Theresa’s friends got up and told some happy and sad stories about her. Even those who barely knew her got up and spoke, including me.

It was a sad day. Just looking at her Facebook wall is bringing me to tears. So many people looked up to her, including myself.

There is so much more I could say, but my thoughts are too scrambled and there is nothing that could make this do her justice fully.

All my prayers go out to her family and loved one, cause now they are the only ones suffering due to this lost.

However, she is in a better place now. She is no longer suffering from her cancer and now she is in God’s loving arms in the Heaven.